


all the worlds a stage (but youre the only stage i need)

by LPSunnyBunny



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Human/Troll Society (Homestuck), Amporas have genetics that give them great asses, Bad BDSM Etiquette, Bathroom Sex, Body Writing, Bondage, Coming In Pants, Degradation, Dom/sub Undertones, Dubious Consent, Eridan is trying for a kismesis but Dave just wants to fuck, Face Slapping, Gratuitous Use Of Snapchat, Humiliation, Karkat and Dave Moiraillegence, M/M, Pseudo-Blackmail, Recording and Photographing during Sex, Semi-Public Sex, face fucking, stuck in wall, theater kid AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:55:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23614837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LPSunnyBunny/pseuds/LPSunnyBunny
Summary: Eridan is the popular "Prince of Theater". He grabbed the lead his first year and has had that spot every year since. He's also a massive dick.Dave isthetech guy. He's got a couple of stage assistants but hes basically the only one in the booth. He's chill and down for pretty much anything.So of course, when Dave finds Eridan in a compromising position, it sparks a sex-drenched relationship.(Theres no plot here. It's basically all porn.)
Relationships: Dave Strider & Karkat Vantas, Eridan Ampora/Dave Strider
Comments: 12
Kudos: 101





	1. O Ye Of Juicy Ass

Dave considers himself to be a chill dude. 

He's got a decent circle of friends and a wider circle of acquaintances, cool with most of his teachers with a solid B+ average. He's two years now on the tech crew for the theater as the resident sound boarder and techy dude of the theater, and since the previous guy graduated last year, Dave gets to run the whole production of sound and lights pretty much by himself. His college might not be robust when it comes to theater, but hey. It at least gives it a _budget,_ unlike Dave's highschool, so it's a step up.

But it means that outside his classes he has pretty regular interactions, the other theater folks forming a social system of their own. There are the other members of the crew- Kanaya, the very lovely (and very scary) costumer, Equius, who works on set pieces with Dave's older brother Dirk, the crew hands Jade and John who do things like wire mics and run sets into place, and Rose, the stage manager and de-facto student director.

Then there are the actors themselves, an ever-rotating cast of fledgling hopefuls vying for a chance to shine on the mediocre college stage.

The lot of them are backstabbing, gossiping, vengeful bastards. Dave usually steers clear of them. There are a handful, though, that he sees more regularly. Feferi, the usual female troll lead, Roxy, the usual female human lead, Jake, the usual male human lead, and Eridan, the usual male troll lead.

Man, how fucked is it that the trolls who get the lead in theater are the royalty? Dave supposes he could wax poetry on that only... the casting director is a human, so... who knows.

Roxy and Jake are alright. Feferi seems nice, from a distance, but Dave saw the shock waves from her falling out with Eridan last year so he is staying _far_ away. As for Eridan, he seems snooty, but he seems to have mellowed out a bit since he was dumped. He was definitely way worse when he was dating Feferi.

As it so happens, this night is a night where Dave has stayed back late in the theater to run over a couple more basic lighting patterns, just throwing some shit together. He's marking up his copy of his script, writing in colors and erasing them again as he thinks about color combinations, when he hears the sound of something collapsing backstage. 

Great. Someone fucking around in the theater. Dave rolled his eyes, leaning over and flipping the mic on. 

"Hey, yo, whoevers fucking around backstage is going to want to skedaddle pretty quick before I get down there to take names and numbers to give to our not-so-benevolent stage manager Rose. I don't know if you're aware of this but she is one scary lady so I would recommend scampering." His voice echoes through the theater. There's no response, so he flips off the mic, drops his feet to the ground, and climbs to his feet. 

He leaves the sound booth and saunters down the isles, pulling out his phone and flipping open to his camera. If he gets back there and there's some newbie fucking around he won't hesitate- pictures snapped and sent right to Rose's inbox for her vengeance to rain down on them for dicking around on her stage. 

He hauls himself up onto the stage, walks to the back and-

huh. 

Okay, so some sets have moving pieces, right? Their college might be kinda jank and low budget when it comes to the arts, but the play they're doing has a part where a bunch of rubble is supposed to collapse in on a door, and Dave's older brother- being who he was- refused to use shitty lighting and sound effects, so he built a door that actually collapses. 

And, if Dave was not mistaken, the wonderful Prince Of Theater, Mr. Eridan Ampora himself, has gotten stuck underneath the collapsible part.

"Strider, I know that's you." Eridan says, his ass up in the air, legs hanging off the side of the raised walkway that the set piece was on, feet barely touching the ground from him standing on tiptoes. "Help me out of this infernal set piece!" 

Dave presses his hands together over his mouth. This can't be real. It's too comical. "Holy shit." He manages. "How the fuck did you manage this, my dude."

"It- It doesn't matter _how_ , just get me out!" Eridan says indignantly and Dave watches as his hips wiggle back and forth. Eridan is kinda skinny- especially his legs- but wow. Dave never really appreciated before just how nice Eridan's ass is. 

"Alright, alright." Dave says, stepping forwards. "Lemme do something first, though." Dave's just a man. How can he resist?

He grabs Eridan's ass.

His fingers sink into it, plush and soft and plump. _Holy shit_. Eridan's ass is like the king of asses. Perfectly shaped, bouncy and soft under Dave's hands, rippling and squishy as he massages it. He presses the cheeks apart and lets them go, watching them bounce together and smack and ripple, mesmerized by the sheer juicy jiggliness of this ass.

Dave realizes abruptly that Eridan is silent. His legs are shifting, toes sliding a bit on the floor, and as Dave watches, Eridan's ass actually presses upwards towards him slightly- like Eridan's actually wanting more.

Well shit. In for a penny, in for a pound. 

"Hey, tell me to stop if you want me to." Dave says casually, stepping forwards and finding Eridan's belt.

"What the fuck-?!" Eridan gasps and Dave can hear the fluster in his voice. Dave grins and yanks Eridan's pants down enough to expose his ass.

Goddamn, it's even better bare. Unrestrained by fabric or bounds of men, it lays soft and bare and unplundered before Dave, thick and full and ready to be clapped.

Interestingly enough, Dave's also never seen a troll nook before. That's really hot too, folds of violet, glistening with slick. His dick's getting hard just looking at it. 

He sinks his hands back into Eridan's ass and Eridan jerks under his touch as Dave massages over the plump flesh, rolling his hands over it, grinning to himself.

"You- you asshole-" Eridan says and Dave hears him smack the set piece. "K-knock it off-" Dave gives his ass a squeeze and Eridan gasps, hips jerking.

"You sure?" Dave drawls. "Seems like you might be getting a bit excited, Ampora." He squeezes those cheeks and pulls them apart, grinning as he sees the tip of Eridan's bulge starting to peek out from his flap. 

"You- shut up, anyone would be feelin somethin if someone was fondlin their ass-" Eridan says, only to choke as Dave smacks across that ass, watching it jiggle. 

"Damn." Dave says appreciatively. "And what a nice ass it is." He smacks the other cheek, watching it bounce. For good measure, he smacks both of them again. 

Eridan makes a noise suspiciously like a muffled moan. Dave grins. 

"Goddamn." He grabs both cheeks again, working them over, but then lets one hand slide lower- pressing his knuckles to Eridan's nook. 

Eridan goes still. "You- dirty- pathetic human-" he gasps, but his hips are starting to rock against Dave's hand, seeking contact. "You _dare_ -"

"You ain't said no yet." Dave points out, smug. "Seems to me you might be looking for something a bit more right now. You're positioned so perfectly for it, too." 

Eridan breathes heavily. "Strider." He growls.

"Yes?" Dave rubs his hand a bit harder against Eridan's nook, enjoying the way he shudders. 

"This is a _one time thin_." Eridan snaps. "Now get your dick in me before I wiggle free an kick your ass." 

"Yes, your highness." Dave says, smacking Eridan's ass again. Eridan jerks as Dave's hands go to his belt, undoing it and pulling himself out. "I don't have a condom, though."

"That's fine!" Eridan snaps. "Just hurry up an-" He cuts off into a moan as Dave shoves into his nook. 

Oh, _Christ_. Eridan's nook is cool and sucking and wet around him. It's tightness is exquisite, pulling a groan from Dave's throat as he slowly pushes in to the hilt. He knows logically that higher blood color means lower body temperature, but- fuck, it feels so weirdly good, cool and refreshing, like lube right out of the bottle before it goes warm.

Eridan's going tight around him and loosening again, a weird, sucking pressure that is _really_ doing things for Dave. Sexy things. The kind of things that really make him want to nut. 

Speaking of sexy things. Dave grabs Eridan's ass as he pulls back, giving Eridan's ass a squeeze before shoving back in. 

"Fuck-" Eridan gasps. Dave grins.

"Damn, baby." He says. "Your ass is so fine they could call it china." He gives one cheek a smack as he starts actually fucking Eridan, thrusting his cock over and over into that tight, cool space.

"You are- _insufferable_ -" Eridan's sentence breaks into a moan. "You absolute- bastard-"

"Careful, Ampora." Dave teases. "Pretty sure that's insensitive of human culture." He groans as Eridan goes tight around him again. It feels like Eridan's nook is trying to mold to his dick, wrap around it and suck him in and never let him leave. It's such a delicious fucking drag out, but the suction in is like sticking your dick in a vacuum cleaner but like- a _sexy_ vacuum cleaner. One that's an acceptable level of suction.

Dave decides that he's never going to tell Eridan that he compared his weird troll pussy to a vacuum cleaner. That feels like the kind of thing that would get him donkey kicked onto his ass.

"Shut up, Strider-" Eridan's voice is strained, Dave can hear his heavy breathing. "Just- don't stop-" 

"Aye, aye, captain." Dave says, switching to a long rolling thrust, fucking him lazily as he fumbles for his phone.

Eridan's ass is the greatest he's ever seen and he's getting the _privilege of fucking it_. There's no way he's not getting some kind of souvenir for jerking off later.

The shutter sound is _so fucking loud what the fuck_. Eridan goes still. 

"Strider-" He sounds furious.

"Whoops." Dave says, talking over whatever words that are about to come out of Eridan's mouth. "Sound was on." 

Eridan shudders and goes so tight around Dave that it actually catches Dave off guard and he moans. 

Oh shit, is Eridan actually _into_ this kinda shit? Dave grabs Eridan's ass, spreading the plump cheek so his dick is more visible where it sinks into Eridan's violet nook. 

He snaps another picture, the sound loud. Eridan shudders again. 

"You- vile-" Eridan says weakly, but his hips are rocking back onto Dave's cock.

"Goddamn." Dave says. "You're so fucking hot. I need a video of those cheeks bouncing on my dick." 

"Don't you dare- you absolute garbage-" Eridan spits as Dave swipes over to the recorder and hits start. "You pathetic- human- lowblooded nooksuckin-"

"Seems to me I'm nook- _fucking_ , right now." Dave drawls as he starts fucking Eridan hard again, cutting his words off and making Eridan shake. "Goddamn. Look at that ass jiggle." 

Capturing it on film is incredible, Dave smacking their hips together hard enough to make Eridan's ass bounce from the force of it. He trades the hand holding the phone so he can smack Eridan's ass again, pulling a moan from Eridan's throat.

"Damn. Who would've thought the great 'Prince of Theater' is a slut?" Dave comments. Eridan gives a shocked little chitter that has Dave grinning. "You wanted to be fucked, didn't you?" He continues. "You were looking for someone to come along and fill you up." 

Eridan is gasping and panting so loud that Dave is _sure_ his phone is picking it up. "You- you-" His hips are rocking and bucking back against Dave. Dave prepares for a torrent of curses and threats against his personhood.

" _You stupid fuckin asshole, Strider, make me fuckin cum already!_ " Is what he gets instead, Eridan honest-to-god _whining_.

"Tell me I'm amazing." Dave says jokingly. 

"You're amazin', now- _fuck_ -" Eridan gasps without hesitation and _holy shit_ , Dave was not expecting Eridan- probably the most snooty person in all of their school- to just say it. 

"Ask nicely." Dave grins, wondering how far he could push it.

There's a thud like Eridan's smacked his hand onto the stage. 

" _Please_ -" Eridan gasps. " _Strider_ -"

Holy fucking shit. Dave stops the recording, shoves his phone into his back pocket, and takes Eridan's hips in his hand.

"You got it, Ampora." Dave says and starts fucking into Eridan hard, leaning in as far as he can to reach around and grab Eridan's bulge, fisting it tightly. 

Eridan muffles his moans, but they're still loud, hips rocking and fucking back onto Dave's dick.

Dave gives a low groan as Eridan's nook pulls him in, tight and pulling. "Fuck, Ampora. Gonna cum-" 

"Come on-" Eridan moans. "Strider, you fuckin asshole, come on-" 

Dave slams home as he cums, heat pumping into Eridan's cool nook, and Eridan moans, banging his hand on the set piece again.

"Gonna cum for me, Ampora?" Dave asks, breathing heavy, yanking at Eridan's bulge, the length of slick muscle twisting in his fist.

"F-Fuck you-" Eridan moans. Dave smacks his ass again and Eridan seizes, cumming hard. Slurry pools on the floor, spurting from his bulge, puddling across the stage. 

"Shit." Dave breathes, legs feeling weak as he slowly pulls back, hands fumbling as he tucks himself back into his pants.

"You fuckin dick." Eridan groans. "Now get me the fuck outta this deathtrap." 

"Okay, okay-" Dave grabs for Eridan's pants, yanking them up. "Uh- Hold on- lemme get you out-" 

He stumbles over to the pulley, yanking it to pull the collapsible rubble up, freeing Eridan. Eridan wiggles free the moment it lifts off of him, and Dave is pleased to see the vivid violet flush on Eridan's cheeks, his flustered and embarrassed expression. 

"I'll- uh- go get some towels." Dave says, taking a step back and jerking his thumb over his shoulders.

"You go do that." Eridan says haughtily as he fixes his clothing. 

Dave hastily runs off to the bathroom, grabbing a metric fuck ton of paper towers before running back. 

He's surprised to see Eridan still there, leaning against a set piece, a hand over his mouth, still flushed bright violet. He straightens up and drops his hand when he sees Dave return, holding his hand out imperiously for the towels. 

Dave passes half of them over and they drop to their knees, hunting down the puddles of Eridan's slurry, even shoving the set piece over an inch to get any that had pooled underneath wiped up. 

The silence is- it's weird. Uncomfortable and yet not. Dave has the advantage of shades, but- he keeps catching Eridan casting him glances out of the corner of his eye. Once, Eridan casts him a look and Dave turns his head, indicating that he caches it, and Eridan-

well. He flushes harder and drops his gaze. 

Interesting. 

Once they dump the paper towels into a trashcan, they stand there awkwardly for a moment.

"Well." Dave says, clearing his throat. "See you tomorrow at practive, Ampora." He says, stepping past Eridan and giving his ass a smack.

Eridan makes a shocked noise, a bit like a cat, and Dave grins to himself as he saunters off.

"Piss off, Strider!" Eridan snaps after Dave, stomping off in the other direction.


	2. Inbetween

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Conversations are had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I say no plot? Nevermind, I guess. This chapter is plot.

Honestly, Dave doesn’t really expect much to change. Sure, he and Eridan are both in theater, but their worlds barely collide. He stays in the booth unless the other techs need him, and Eridan has no reason to come up to the booth.

So it surprises him when, one afternoon, his phone buzzes with a message.

caligulasAquarium [CA]  has added you as a chum!

His brows raise a bit, but not as much as the messages that follow that message.

caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG]

CA: strider  
CA: howw long are you goin to do this  
TG: do what  
TG: i dont even know who this is my dude why dont we start with introductions  
TG: you clearly know who i am so go right ahead mr ca  
TG: reveal your mysterious personage to me  
TG: unless you would rather have me swooning and sighing over this mysterious person who just slid into my dms  
TG: so smooth  
TG: so cool  
CA: christ can you type like a normal fuckin person  
TG: nope  
CA: figures  
CA: anywway its eridan  
CA: wwho else  
TG: oh shit eridan whats up my dude  


Dave has no idea why Eridan is messaging him. None at all. Not in the slightest.

CA: you knoww wwhats up   
CA: are you really going to act ignorant   
TG: it isnt hard to act ignorant if i really dont have an idea   
TG: clue me in here dude   
TG: throw me a bone   
TG: hell even a toothpick is fine   
TG: something for me to fetch   
TG: ill bring it right on back and spit words at you   
CA: i cant tell if youre ignorant or just avoidin the elephant in the room   
TG: i didnt even know there was an elephant   
CA: shut it strider   
CA: im talkin about that vvideo you took

Dave pauses. Oh. _Oh._ Honestly, he had completely forgotten about it. It’s buried in his phone somewhere under miles of pictures of random shit.

TG: what about it   
CA: wwhat do you mean “wwhat about it”   
CA: are you going to sit there and act like its nothin?   
TG: isnt it   
TG: its not like im going to do anything with it   
TG: just a memento of a fond time   
CA: you expect me to believve that   
TG: i guess not   
TG: but like not any real way i can prove it   
CA: you see my point then   
CA: delete it

Dave types the word out without thinking.  
  
TG: nah  
CA: are you serious  
CA: strider  
CA: DELETE IT  
TG: again nah  
TG: its a hot video  
TG: im keeping it to jerk off to  
TG: anyone ever tell you youve got a really hot ass  
TG: because you do  
CA: so wwhat you just expect me to believe that youre not evver goin to send it to anyone  
TG: why would i do that  
CA: i dont knoww your thoughts  
CA: could be any number a reasons why someone might do that  
CA: revenge  
CA: blackmail  
CA: sheer amusement  
TG: are you trying to give me ideas

There’s a pause. A __long__ pause. Dave’s brows quirk up. He had meant to be joking, but…

CA: shut up strider   
TG: well   
TG: are you   
CA: i said shut it   
TG: no really though that was a long time to reply for a no   
TG: you fishing for something   
CA: i said shut it theres no fuckin wway id be givving you ideas   
CA: theyre probably all in your head anywway   
CA: no wway you havvent considered it i bet   
CA: wwho wwouldnt   
CA: gettin to one up me of all trolls   
CA: also dont think youre funny that was a lame fish joke   
TG: wasnt trying to be but glad you caught it   
TG: anyway   
TG: really   
TG: are you   
CA: shut up strider and just delete the fuckin vvideo   
TG: nah i really dont think i will now   
TG: you sound pretty flustered to me   
TG: sounds like you might be getting in over your head and its kind of amusing really   
TG: mr high and mighty snooty prince of theater coming to grovel to the lowly tech   
CA: oh my god you really are a fuckin asshole   
CA: i should havve fuckin knowwn you wwerent just gonna delete it   
CA: christ wwhy did i even bother   
CA: if you send that vvideo to anyone i wwill fuckin ruin you   
CA: thats a fuckin promise strider

Dave knows he’s being a dick, but he can’t help it. Something about riling Eridan up is __fun__.

CA: ill see you at practice tonight  
CA: wwe can talk then  
TG: sure  
caligulasAquarium [CA]  stopped trolling turntechGodhead [TG]

Well that was… interesting. Dave tucks his phone away thoughtfully. Then pulls it out again.

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering  carcinoGeneticist [CG]

TG: hey karkat  
TG: i have a question  
CG: HELLO KARKAT, MY WONDERFUL MOIRAIL. HOW IS YOUR DAY GOING. OH YES, IT’S FINE, THANK YOU FOR ASKING. I’M TERRIBLY SORRY I HAVEN'T MESSAGED YOU IN ALMOST A WEEK, I’VE BEEN TOO BUSY JERKING MYSELF OFF TO MY OWN DUMB FUCKING FACE.  
TG: really dude  
CG: DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG ITS BEEN SINCE YOU MESSAGED ME AND NOW YOU’RE NOT EVEN GOING TO ASK ME HOW I’M DOING?  
TG: you know what thats fair  
TG: hi karkat how are you doing  
CG: IT IS GOING PERFECTLY FINE, THANK YOU FOR ASKING, EXCEPT FOR THE FACT THAT TEREZI DECIDED TO FLUSH AN ENTIRE CANS WORTH OF SILLY STRING DOWN OUR TOILET TO “SEE WHAT WOULD HAPPEN”.  
TG: let me guess  
TG: did it clog  
CG: YES! IT DID! CONGRATULATIONS FOR GUESSING CORRECTLY, DAVE, BECAUSE YOU ARE ACTUALLY SOMEONE WHO HAS A THINKPAN THAT WORKS MORE THAN HALF OF THE TIME AT MORE THAN HALF THE CAPACITY!  
CG: UNLIKE SOMEONE I KNOW WHO’S NAME STARTS WITH A “T” AND ENDS WITH “EREZI”!  
TG: three guesses who  
CG: I SWEAR TO GOD, DAVE. I AM THIS FUCKING CLOSE TO SNAPPING AND SHOVING HER OUT THE WINDOW. GETTING AN APARTMENT WITH HER WAS THE WORST FUCKING MISTAKE OF MY LIFE AND THAT IS *SAYING* SOMETHING BECAUSE I ACTUALLY MADE OUT WITH SOLLUX WHEN DRUNK AND THAT WAS PRETTY FUCKING BAD.  
TG: yeouch  
TG: anyway now that ive heard about your ever growing struggles with tz can i ask you a question  
CG: YES, DAVE. YOU MAY ASK ME A QUESTION WHILE I STAND HERE, FLUSHING THE TOILET REPEATEDLY.  
TG: cool  
TG: how do you know when a troll is waxing black for you  
CG: WHAT.  
TG: do I need to repeat the question or have you spontaneously decided to follow in tzs footsteps and go blind  
CG: SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU IDIOT I UNDERSTOOD WHAT YOU ASKED.  
CG: WHAT I MEANT WAS “WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU ASKING THIS”, YOU DIPSHIT.  
CG: WHO DO YOU THINK IS WAXING BLACK FOR YOU.  
TG: not important  
TG: if its not true dont want to embarrass him  
CG: “HIM”?  
TG: aw shit  
CG: WHAT MALE TROLLS DO YOU KNOW?  
CG: TELL ME ITS NOT ZEBRUH.  
TG: its not zebruh  
CG: THANK FUCK I THINK I WOULD HAVE TO KILL YOU MYSELF AT THAT POINT TO SPARE YOU.  
TG: youre a true bro karkat  
TG: the best  
TG: sparing me from that kind of misery  
CG: OF FUCKING COURSE I AM.  
CG: ANYWAY.  
CG: MALE TROLLS?  
TG: keeping my lips sealed  
CG: DAVE.  
CG: I DONT KNOW HOW TO ADVISE YOU ON THE ACTIONS OF A SINGLE TROLL UNLESS YOU *TELL ME WHO THAT TROLL IS* YOU ABSOLUTE NOOKBRAIN.  
TG: shit i guess i cant argue with that  
TG: its eridan  
CG: ERIDAN???????  
CG: AHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA OH MY GOD ARE YOU SERIOUS.  
TG: little bit yeah  
TG: think he might be waxing black a bit for me  
CG: DAVE, LET ME STOP YOU RIGHT THERE.  
CG: REGARDLESS OF WHAT ERIDAN IS FEELING FOR YOU, YOU DO *NOT* WANT TO GET WRAPPED UP IN HIS SHIT.  
CG: FOR ONE, HES A LOSER.  
TG: ouch be a bit harsher on the guy why dont you  
CG: HE IS. HE MIGHT BE THE DARLING OF THE THEATER BUT NO ONE FUCKING LIKES HIM FOR A REASON, DAVE.  
CG: HES ANNOYING AND DESPERATE AND THAT'S COMING FROM THE GUY WHO PINED OVER A GIRL FOR LITERALLY HALF A YEAR.  
CG: IF HES WAXING BLACK FOR YOU THE BEST THING YOU CAN DO IS TELL HIM TO FUCK OFF AND GET HIM TO MOVE ON.  
TG: i dunno i think its kinda cute  
CG: YOU CANNOT BE FUCKING SERIOUS.  
TG: little bit  
CG: DAVE.  
TG: karkat  
CG: DAVE COME TO YOUR SENSES. IS SOMEONE STANDING OVER YOUR SHOULDERS? MAKING YOU TYPE THIS?  
TG: lmao nah  
TG: i guess im into desperate  
CG: EUGH.  
CG: WELL, ON YOUR HEAD SO BE IT.  
CG: YOU WANT TO KNOW IF ERIDAN’S WAXING BLACK FOR YOU?  
CG: ITS EASY.  
CG: IF HE TALKS TO YOU, HES WAXING BLACK.  
CG: HE BREATHES AND LIVES DESPERATION AND BLACK IS THE EASIEST TO SOLICIT.  
CG: UNLESS HE’S BEING SAPPY.  
CG: THEN ITS RED.  
TG: damn you really think hes that desperate huh  
CG: I DON’T NEED TO THINK, DAVE. IT’S OBVIOUS.  
CG: HE HIT ON *GAMZEE* FOR FUCK’S SAKE.  
CG: AND NOTHING AGAINST GAMZEE BUT THAT DUMBASS LITERALLY CAN’T GATHER ENOUGH BRAINCELLS TO JERK OFF NORMALLY LET ALONG ACTUALLY PAIL WITH SOMEONE.  
TG: wow karkat why dont you tell us your true feelings  
CG: SHUT THE FUCK UP DAVE.  
CG: FOR REAL, THOUGH.  
CG: DON’T FUCK ERIDAN.  
TG: well  
CG: DAVE.  
TG: too late i guess  
CG: DAVE ARE YOU FOR REAL???????  
CG: IT’S LIKE THE FIRST FUCKING RULE. DON’T FUCK ERIDAN.  
TG: the first rule of what  
CG: I DON’T FUCKING KNOW, EVERYTHING! YOU DON’T DO ANYTHING VRISKA SAYS, YOU DON’T LET SOLLUX TOUCH ANYTHING WITH THINGS ON IT YOU DON’T WANT HIM TO FIND,  
CG: AND YOU DON’T FUCK ERIDAN!!!!  
TG: sounds like the third rule to me  
CG: DAVE!!!!! I AM THIS FUCKING CLOSE TO WAXING BLACK FOR YOU MYSELF GODDAMN IT!!!!!!!!!  
TG: haha okay ill stop  
TG: but yeah little bit too late for that  
CG: HOW DID THIS HAPPEN.  
TG: kinda an accident  
CG: HOW DO YOU “ACCIDENTALLY” FUCK SOMEONE???  
TG: well  
TG: I didnt mean to  
TG: but it kinda happened  
TG: so it was an accident  
CG: WERE YOU BOTH SOBER?  
TG: yeah  
CG: WAS ANYONE HOLDING A GUN TO YOUR HEAD?  
TG: no  
CG: THEN HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU CALL IT AN ACCIDENT  
TG: like this  
TG: it was an accident  
TG: he was stuck and i was there  
CG: I  
CG: DON’T  
CG: WANT  
CG: THE  
CG: DETAILS  
CG: HOLY  
CG: SHIT  
TG: wow  
TG: you dont even want to hear the story about how i fucked eridan  
TG: hurting my feelings  
CG: FUCK NO GET OVER IT.  
TG: i guess i have no choice  
TG: for your sake  
TG: i shall simply have to leave it as it was an accident  
TG: and both of us shall be unhappy about the situation  
CG: FINE. GOOD.  
TG: anyway  
TG: how to tell for real if hes black for me  
CG: ASIDES FROM THE “IF HE’S TALKING TO YOU”?  
TG: though that was implied  
TG: but yeah  
CG: FUCK IF I KNOW. I WAS BEING SERIOUS ABOUT THAT.  
CG: THESE DAYS ERIDAN ONLY TALKS TO PEOPLE FOR TWO REASONS.  
CG: ONE, IF HE LITERALLY HAS TO.  
CG: TWO, TO TRY AND FUCK THEM.  
CG: NOW, IS HE TALKING TO YOU BECAUSE HE *HAS* TO?  
TG: uh  
TG: you know im not sure  
TG: he probably feels like he has to  
CG: THANKS. SO HELPFUL.  
TG: hey dont blame me  
CG: NO, YOU KNOW, I THINK I WILL.  
CG: GO FUCK YOURSELF DAVE. I BLAME YOU FOR EVERYTHING.  
CG: INCLUDING TEREZI’S EVER-DECREASING AMOUNT OF BRAIN CELLS!!!  
TG: damn so cold  
CG: ABSOLUTELY ICY. DEAL WITH IT.  
TG: hey guess what though  
CG: WHAT.  
TG: <>  
CG: FUCK YOU  
CG: <>  
carcinoGeneticist [CG] stopped trolling turntechGodhead [TG]

‘If he’s talking to you, he’s waxing black’. Dave leans back in his chair, staring at his wall. Well, Karkat is __probably__ exaggerating. Right?

It’s not like Eridan was _hinting_ at the idea of Dave blackmailing him. There’s no way Dave could have been making that up. He pulls back up the chatlog and scrolls through, reading it.

Okay, hm. Maybe he _was_ reading into it a bit too much, looking it over again. But that pause had been weird. Much too long to be played off as nothing when his replies before and after had been so quick.

Well, whatever. They’d talk after practice or whatever.


	3. In Which A Claim Is Made

Weirdly enough the rest of the say passes completely normally. Dave almost expects it to speed by or drag on, but nope. Just like any other day.

That night at practice, though, Dave is chilling in the sound booth as usual, watching the actors rehearse. He’s probably not imaging the extra stares that Eridan is throwing the booth, but he just grins in response, knowing Eridan can’t see him.

He’s _definitely_ not imagining the buzzing of the phone in his pocket, but when he glances at it, he’s seeing walls of grey text. Karkat’s ranting about something again. Dave puts his phone on silent and shoves it back in his pocket. It’s not often that Rose comes up to the booth, but if she catches him on his phone- oh _man_ he will get an earful. His ears hear a phantom ringing just remembering last time and he gives them a sympathetic rub.

But the rehearsal speeds past. Rose runs a tight ship and there’s only minimal goofing about from the actors- no more than normal, really, which is surprising, because their performance is only a month away. Usually Dave sees at least two newbies fucking around this far out. Rose probably threatened to defenestrate him or something.

Yes, Dave knows what ‘defenestrate’ means. It’s Rose’s favorite threat. He looked it up after the third time she dropped it and no he has not pointed out that they’re on the first floor. _Dave_ certainly doesn’t want to be defenestrated.

He’s rambling again. Whoops.

So Dave kicks his feet up and watches the performance. Rose technically isn’t having them run any full sets with lighting and sound- but she still wants Dave there if she needs him. He usually does homework, honestly, but he’s all done with his today.

He stays put as the actors are dismissed, some of them congregating around Rose for her All-Holy Notes On Their Performances, others trickling away. Dave _definitely_ isn’t imagining it now- Eridan stares pointedly at the booth for a long couple of seconds before turning away, going off backstage.

Dave waits. Theater people are _chatty_ fucks, so they hang around for _ages,_ but eventually they break apart and leave in little groups, until it’s just Rose sitting in the seats, scribbling away on her notepad. Her girlfriend comes in- she had been introduced at one point to Dave but for the _life_ of him he cannot remember her name- and they trade a kiss and talk for a bit before Rose packs up her stuff and leaves as well.

Dave feels a bit like a voyeur, watching, so he pulls out his phone and waits. Eridan would probably be here soon.

It’s another handful of minutes of the theater being quiet and still, but then the door to the sound booth is pushed open.

“Strider.” Eridan says from behind Dave, voice snooty and halfway to pissed as always.

“Ampora.” Dave says right on back, chill as fuck, not even turning around to look at him.

There’s an annoyed huff from Eridan as he steps around to be in Dave’s line of sight, his bag slung over his shoulder, arms crossed over his dark turtleneck, scowling.

Dave waits, tilting his phone down slightly so that it’s clear he’s not looking at it, cocking his head slightly.

“Well?” Eridan snaps.

“Well?” Dave drawls, enjoying the indigence that slips across Eridan’s expression.

“I am _here_.” Eridan says, his hand clenching into a fist where it’s tucked under his other arm. “To talk.”

“Then talk, my dude, you ain’t gotta wait for my permission.” Dave makes a little ‘go on’ gesture.

“The pictures you took.” Eridan says, and there’s a hint of violet brushing across his cheeks. “What are you plannin on doin with them?”

“Probably jerk off.” Dave shrugs. “Not much, honestly.”

Eridan eyes Dave, clearly not trusting his words. “So you’re not plannin on doin... anything?” He sounds- well. _Well_ now, isn’t that interesting. Dave thought he had been reading a bit too much into it, with their chat, but Eridan sounds _disappointed._

“Well, now.” Dave muses, mind racing with ideas. “I suppose I hadn’t really thought about it too hard. But it seems to me that you might be putting… _ideas_ in my head.”

Eridan’ eyes go wide, his fins flaring. “What do you mean?!” He hisses, but his cheeks are rapidly going dark. Dave taps his phone contemplatively against his chin.

“It’s clear from your reactions that you’d prefer these pictures to _not_ get sent out to some people.” Dave muses, watching Eridan carefully. “So it seems like I might have an… opportunity in my hands.”

Eridan bristles. “Fuck you, Strider.” He snaps.

“You already did.” Dave says cheerfully, and drops both of his feet to the floor, leaning an elbow on the soundboard as he gives Eridan a grin.

Okay, maybe he’s pushing it. But this feels like pretty blatant black flirting, and Eridan is actually pretty cute with that blush across his cheeks.

“Fine.” Eridan snaps. “Fine! Then I guess I will just have to give you an extra _incentive_ to not spread those around.” And holy shit he drops his bag and strides over and _drops to his knees,_ grabbing for Dave’s pants and determinedly working his belt open.

“Holy shit, wait, hold on-” Dave tries, but Eridan shoots him a scathing look.

“Shut up and let me blow you, Strider.” He says, pulls out Dave’s cock, and- without _any fucking preamble_ \- sucks it all the way down to the hilt.

Dave moans, his cock swelling to hardness almost instantly, encased in Eridan’s tight, warm throat as he swallows. His nose is buried into Dave’s groin, tongue working over Dave’s shaft as he slowly pulls back, letting the head of Dave’s cock pop out of his throat.

“Holy shit.” Dave groans, spreading his thighs a bit wider to allow Eridan to scoot closer. Eridan’s hands curl over Dave’s thighs, pressing them open as he starts bobbing his head, fucking the head of Dave’s cock into his throat over and over, pulling off and then shoving all the way down again, mouth wet and cool. His throat squeezes around Dave as he swallows, the pressure making Dave groan.

“Fuu-ck.” Dave moans. Holy fucking shit, who would have thought that _Eridan Ampora,_ the snobby prince of theater, would be a god at giving head? He looks like the kind of guy meant to be an awkward virgin forever. But here he is, deep throating Dave’s not-insignificantly-sized cock like he does it every day.

Eridan pulls off with a wet sucking noise that makes Dave’s dick throb, mouthing at the head as he casts Dave an annoyed glance. “Are you just goin to be a passive bitch or are you actually goin to be a fuckin bastard and take what you want?” He snaps.

Well now, if _that_ doesn’t reframe the whole situation for Dave. He grins.

“Just letting you warm up, sweetheart.” He says. “Now get back to it.” Eridan’s eyes go wide at the endearment, but his fins flick at the command and he dips his head, taking Dave back into his mouth.

Dave lets him sink down onto his cock again, down to the base, start to bob his head again, before closing a hand around one of Eridan’s horns and _forcing_ his head down to the base of his dick. Eridan sputters, his hands squeezing on Dave’s thighs, but he doesn’t fight, doesn’t try to pull off. His eyes go half-lidded as Dave starts rocking his hips up experimentally, mouth going slack even as his tongue licks and rubs over Dave’s length.

“Damn.” Dave says appreciatively. “Who would’ve thought that the Prince of Theater would be such a whore?” Eridan’s fins snap back at that, his expression twisting into embarrassment, but- he looks desperately turned on. “Goddamn.” Dave breathes, starting to tug Eridan back and forth on his dick by his horn, yanking and pushing his head onto his cock, fucking him over and over onto Dave’s length.

Eridan never falters, his throat taking Dave’s cock beautifully, his mouth staying wet and drooling all over Dave, violet-tinged saliva streaking down the sides of Dave’s cock and pooling in his pubes, his lips wrapped perfectly around Dave’s thick length, a incredible seal of pressure and slick that has Dave rapidly moving towards completion.

“You’re fucking made for this, aren’t you, Ampora?” Dave breathes. “Meant to be on your knees sucking cock.” He fumbles for his phone, pulling open his camera and starting a video. He shifts his hand around Eridan’s horn, gripping it a little more securely, and holds his head in place.

“Even have a convenient handle.” Dave muses before snapping his hips up. Eridan _chokes_ on the thrust, a wet gurgle in his throat, but his hands stay on Dave’s thighs, his throat opens and he lets Dave fuck into it, his cock sliding in and out of Eridan’s throat.

“Fuuck.” Dave moans. Every thrust brings a wet little noise from Eridan’s throat, the tight grip rippling and sucking on Dave’s cock as he tries to swallow it down. It’s so fucking good that Dave almost forgets that he’s recording- he has to hastily shift his phone to continue the video.

Eridan’s face is kind of hard to see though, tilted down so that Dave can fuck up into his mouth, so Dave gets an idea, yanking Eridan up off his dick. He stops the recording and has to snap a few pictures because _holy_ fuck.

Eridan looks _blissed out_ , his expression slack as he pants, mouth open, lips slick and shiny with spit, face flushed a deep, dark violet, his eyes fluttering. Dave can’t help the throb of his cock, rising to his feet.

Eridan blinks at looks up at Dave in confusion, but then Dave is yanking Eridan’s head back, hooking one leg over Eridan’s shoulder, and pressing his cock down into Eridan’s mouth, the new position allowing him to fuck in and out of Eridan’s throat in a smooth, rolling glide.

Eridan’s expression blisses out again, his eyes fluttering shut. His hands shift to cup the back of Dave’s thighs, slouching a little and using Dave’s legs to hold himself up to give Dave an even better angle to facefuck him at.

“Goddamn.” Dave breathes, starting his recording again, pointing his phone down and capturing every twitch of Eridan’s expression, his fluttering eyes, his slack mouth, the deep little gags he gives when Dave fucks his entire length all the way in.

“This is what you were after, wasn’t it?” Dave says, starting to pull Eridan’s face up to meet his downward thrusts. Eridan’s eyes flutter open, then go wide as he catches sight of Dave’s phone pointed down at him. “You _want_ to be put in your place.” He grins, giving a deep roll of his hips and watching Eridan’s eyes roll back in response before they refocus, his fins pinning back as embarrassment draws his brows together.

“Could have just taken my word.” Dave groans, chasing that cool, tight pleasure around his dick. “But nope, you de-ha- decided to come around and- fuck- throw yourself on my dick.”

Eridan makes a little chittering noise and Dave can feel him shudder. Dave grins. “Yeah, that’s- fuck.” He groans as his peak hits, pulling back so that just the tip of his cock rests in Eridan’s mouth. “Don’t fucking swallow yet.” He says, panting, his cock spurting across Eridan’s tongue, pumping his cum into Eridan’s mouth.

Eridan moans faintly as Dave cums, Dave panting as his cock starts to soften. He pulls back, letting it slip free, and Eridan starts to close his mouth. Quick as a flash, Dave lets go of his horn and shoves a thumb in his mouth.

“Stay open, Ampora.” Dave warns, switching from video to camera again. Eridan’s shudders for a moment, his tongue working, but then his mouth drops open, showing off Dave’s cum pooled on his tongue.

“Fuck, you know exactly what I want, don’t you?” Dave groans, delighted at Eridan’s pliability. He snaps a couple of pictures of Eridan kneeling with Dave’s cum in his mouth, grinning and reveling in Eridan’s submission.

“Okay, go ahead and swallow.” Dave says, taking his hand back, and Eridan immediately swallows it down, eyes closing for a moment, and Dave snaps a picture of that, too.

He tucks his phone (and dick) away as Eridan sits there for a moment, swaying slightly, then his eyes snap open and that haughty expression returns, pushing away from Dave and climbing to his feet, tugging his turtleneck down and smoothing it out.

“Well?” Eridan snaps, voice hoarse. “Satisfied?” He _sounds_ pissy, but he’s still flushed and Dave can _see_ the bulge in his skinny jeans.

Dave tilts his head silently and just looks at him.

“Wwhat?!” Eridan snaps, accent slipping, clearly trying to recover some of his pride, shifting as he crosses his arms.

“Damn.” Dave says, weighing up his options. Eridan’s brow furrows in confusion, his arms starting to relax. Dave flash steps forwards, grabbing Eridan’s upper arms and pinning him against the wall. “You really seem to not know what’s going on here, huh?” Dave breathes, their faces bare inches apart.

Eridan’s eyes are wide as he sucks in a startled breath.

“ _You_ came to _me_ , Ampora.” Dave says, as collected as ever despite having a violet pinned to the wall. “You put yourself in this position deliberately. I _was_ just going to delete the photos if you asked nicely, but instead you got on your knees and sucked my dick without being asked. Now, I don’t know what kind of relationship that signifies for a troll, but I sure as hell know what it means for a human.”

Eridan is still under Dave’s hand, breathing shallow, eyes wide, but there’s _hunger_ in his expression. Dave cocks his head and grins.

“It means _you’re my bitch now._ “ He grabs Eridan’s bulge through his pants, squeezing it roughly, and Eridan gives a startled, high chitter, his expression shattering apart into flushed helplessness as his head thuds back against the wall, hips shoving into the touch as he moans, thighs shaking.

“Goddamn.” Dave breathes, pleased with the response, but the spreading dampness across Eridan’s groin has him pausing, Eridan’s bulge shifting under his hand, throbbing. “Holy fuck.” Dave breathes as it clicks together in his mind. “Did you seriously just cum?”

“S-shut up-” Eridan gasps, but has to bite off a noise as Dave squeezes his bulge again.

“You _did._ ” Dave is _delighted._ “Holy fuck.” He rubs over Eridan’s writhing bulge, ignoring how disgusting the feeling of soaked jeans are, watching Eridan squirm and jerk his hips under the touch. “Goddamn.” Dave breathes. “I’m fucking keeping you, holy shit.” The _things_ he wants to do to Eridan- his list is only growing by the second. He pretends he doesn’t notice the wide-eyed look on Eridan’s face, painfully hopeful before it’s wiped away into flustered, haughty embarrassment.

“Enough.” Eridan snaps and Dave relents, removing his hand from Eridan’s bulge as Eridan pants, sucking in desperate breaths as he tries to calm down.

“Damn.” Dave says, taking a step back. He watches Eridan breathe and tug at his sleeves, smooth his turtleneck down, yank at his jeans uncomfortably.

“Come home with me.” Dave blurts out. Eridan pauses, staring at Dave. “I mean- you live across campus right? My apartment’s probably closer. You can get a shower there cause I’m pretty sure you don’t want to walk around with cum jeans.”

Eridan shoots him an irritated glance. “….fine.” He says, after a moment, reaching down to grab his bag and heft it over his shoulder.

Dave grins and hits the lights for the house, plunging the theater into darkness. “Right.” He says, digging the keys to his beat up old car out of his pocket. “Let’s go, then.”


	4. Semi-Negotiation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another conversation with Karkat and Dave commits to the bit.

The drive home is surprisingly relaxed. Eridan seems flustered, which- Dave doesn’t blame the guy. He just came in his pants after getting facefucked by a guy in the sound booth which is _definitely_ not the behavior expected of one of the theater leads.

Or maybe it is? Dave doesn’t really follow a lot of the actor drama, preferring to stay out of it.

Regardless, Eridan leans against the door on his phone. Whenever Dave glances over he can see flashes of text, violet and grey.

Great. Dave’s probably going to get an earful from Karkat in a bit, if Eridan is blabbing to him about “how mean Karkat’s moirail is being to him”. Dave’s definitely looking forwards to that. But at least Eridan doesn’t bitch about the music that Dave plays, so he’s better than _some_ passengers that Dave’s had.

Carly Rae Jepson is a fucking incredible artist, okay, everyone can shut up.

They get through the drive easily, it’s a relatively short one, all things considered. Dave lives off-campus, but he’s right by the theater, which is the opposite of Eridan- who lives all the way across town. So when Dave parts and steps out of the car, Eridan is shoving his phone hastily into his pockets and grabbing his bag to follow.

“Welcome to _casa de Strider._ ” Dave says, leading Eridan upstairs to his shitty one-bedroom apartment. “My shower’s down the hall, go right ahead.” Eridan hesitates, but when Dave does nothing more than wander over to his kitchen, he vanishes down the hall, bag in hand.

Predictably, Dave’s phone starts buzzing with messages. He pulls it out, scrolling through the solid blocks of grey text, barely skimming them- Sollux being a fucking shithead again, Terezi doing insane things, apparently Vriska had literally fucked her way back into Karkat’s life and he’s furious about it.

Oops, and now he’s furious with Dave, too.

CG:I SWEAR TO GOD DAVE IF YOU DO NOT FUCKING ANSWER ME RIGHT NOW I AM GOING TO STORM OVER THERE AND KICK YOUR FUCKING DOOR IN.  
CG: YES I HAVE A KEY YES I WILL KICK YOUR DOOR IN ANYWAY NO I WILL NOT PAY FOR IT.  
CG: I AM ONLY FIVE PERCENT JOKING ABOUT THIS BY THE WAY, IF YOU DON’T ANSWER ME I WILL ABSOLUTELY COME OVER THERE AND BEAT YOUR ASS.  
TG: chill  
TG: i was driving  
CG: DAVE WOULD YOU CARE TO EXPLAIN WHY ERIDAN MOTHER FUCKING AMPORA IS SLIDING INTO MY FUCKING MENTIONS TO ASK IF HE CAN HAVE MY BLESSINGS OR AT THE VERY LEAST ESCAPE MY WRATH?!?  
TG: haha wow did he really do that  
CG: SHUT THE FUCK UP I AM PARAPHRASING. HE DID IT IN THAT ROUNDABOUT FUCKING WAY OF HEMMING AND HAWING UNTIL I DRAGGED SOME KIND OF COHERENT SENTENCE OUT OF HIM.  
CG: DID YOU REALLY FUCKING SLEEP WITH HIM AFTER I TOLD YOU NOT TO.  
TG: is it sleeping with him if there was no sleeping involved  
CG: DAVE STRIDER CAN YOU HEAR MY SCREAMS OF FRUSTRATION WITH YOU? CAN YOU FEEL YOUR EARS RINGING?  
CG: GIVE ME A STRAIGHT FUCKING ANSWER.  
CG: YES. OR. NO.  
CG: DID YOU FUCK ERIDAN AMPORA AGAIN AFTER I EXPLICITLY TOLD YOU NOT TO?  
TG: yeah haha  
CG: ARE YOU ACTUALLY A FUCKING IDIOT? DO I HAVE TO COME OVER THERE AND PAP YOU BACK TO YOUR SENSES????  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING?????  
TG: well what i was thinking is this dudes standing here bitching at me and hes actually kinda hot and then whoops hes on his knees trying to suck my dick and looking so pissy about it so of course i gotta fuck his face  
CG: FUCKING CHRIST.  
CG: YOU’RE A FUCKING TRAINWRECK.  
TG: yeah but a trainwreck who got laid lmao  
TG: hes using my shower right now  
CG: HE’S IN YOUR *HOUSE*????? CG: DAVE.  
TG: what  
CG: DAVE YOU CANNOT SERIOUSLY BE THINKING OF ACTUALLY HAVING A RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM.  
TG: not a relationship  
TG: i dunno maybe friends with benefits  
TG: hatefriends with benefits?  
TG: hes kinda cute with a dick in his mouth  
CG: OH MY FUCKING GOD. I CANNOT BELIEVE I’M SAYING THIS.  
CG: YOU’RE JUST AS FUCKING BAD AS HE IS.  
TG: lol  
CG: I’M SERIOUS, HERE HE COMES IN MY DMS LIKE “KAR DO YOU THINK HE HATES ME IN THAT WWAY WWOULD COULD HE ACTUALLY BE SERIOUS BLAH BLAH” AND YOU’RE OVER HERE LIKE “YEAH HAHA HE’S CUTE THO”.  
CG: FUCK IT.  
CG: I GIVE UP! YOU’RE CLEARLY DETERMINED TO ENTANGLE YOURSELF WITH HIM DESPITE MY WARNINGS.  
CG: AND HE, FOR SOME FUCKING REASON, IS APPARENTLY BLACK ENAMORED WITH YOU SO MUCH SO THAT THE FIRST FUCKING CHANCE HE GETS HE COMES BARRELING INTO MY FUCKING DMS CRYING ABOUT IF YOU HATE HIM BACK OR NOT AND INSISTS ON DRAGGING ME INTO A SITUATION THAT I DO NOT FUCKING WANT TO BE INVOLVED IN,  
CG: OTHER THAN TANGENTIALLY OUT OF OBLIGATION FROM BEING YOUR FUCKING MOIRAIL WHO GIVES YOU ADVICE THAT YOU APPARENTLY IGNORE ANYWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
CG: FOR FUCKS SAKE, DAVE. WHATS THE POINT IN EVEN ASKING IF YOU’RE JUST GOING TO IGNORE IT ANYWAY.  
TG: to be fair  
TG: i didnt ask if i should go for it or not  
TG: i just asked how to know if he was into me  
CG: FUCK YOU FOR BEING TECHNICALLY CORRECT.  
TG: its the best kind  
CG: INDEED.  
CG: FINE.  
CG: OKAY. WHATEVER.  
CG: I AM GETTING OVER THIS HORRIBLE CRIME.  
CG: AND DECIDING TO FUCKING FOCUS.  
CG: DO YOU REALLY THINK A FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS IS A GOOD IDEA?  
TG: no clue  
TG: but hes hot and looks good with my dick in his mouth so  
CG: EW.  
CG: LET ME PUT IT THIS WAY, DAVE.  
CG: DO YOU REMEMBER THE FALLOUT BETWEEN ERIDAN AND FEFERI?  
TG: how could I not  
CG: YEAH IF YOU LET ERIDAN CATCH FEELINGS FOR YOU, IT WILL INEVITABLY END IN SOMETHING WORSE THAN THAT.  
TG: im not convinced he will  
CG: YOU DENSE MOTHERFUCKER.  
OKAY. FINE. I AM GIVING YOU FULL PERMISSION TO GO HATEFRIENDS WITH BENEFITS WITH THIS GUY,  
TG: cool  
CG: SHUT UP IM NOT DONE.  
CG: I AM GIVING YOU FULL PERMISSION WITH THE CAVEAT THAT IF IT BLOWS UP IN YOUR FACE I AM GOING TO BE A GOOD FUCKING MOIRAIL. I WILL COME OVER TO YOUR APARTMENT AND SIT WITH YOU AND GIVE YOU ICE CREAM AS YOU CRY AND WATCH SHITTY ROMCOMS.  
CG: AND THEN, DAVE, DO YOU KNOW WHAT I AM GOING TO DO?  
CG: I AM GOING TO TAKE YOUR FACE IN MY HANDS.  
CG: AND I AM GOING TO LOVINGLY STARE INTO YOUR EYES IN THE MOST PALE WAY POSSIBLE.  
CG: AND I WILL SAY  
CG: “I FUCKING TOLD YOU SO, YOU STUPID FUCKING DUMBFUCK IDIOT”.  
TG: deal  
TG: thank your for your infinite wisdom as always karkat  
TG: i appreciate it immensely  
CG: ENOUGH TO COMPLETELY DISCARD IT I GUESS.  
TG: i thought you said you were over that  
CG: YEAH, WELL, I LIED. I’M STILL MAD. BUT I’LL GET OVER IT TO GIVE YOU ADVICE THAT YOU ACTUALLY *WILL* LISTEN TO.  
TG: thanks karkat  
CG: BUT WE ARE GOING TO HAVE A FUCKING CONVERSATION ABOUT THIS LATER, DAVE.  
TG: alright  
TG: <>  
CG: YEAH <> TO YOU TOO.  
CG: DICK.  
CG: ONE LAST THING.  
TG: yeah what  
CG: PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, IF YOU CATCH FEELINGS FOR HIM DON’T JUST BLURT IT OUT LIKE A DUMB FUCK.  
CG: FUCKING TALK TO ME FIRST. BECAUSE AS MUCH AS YOU BLOW MY GREAT FUCKING ADVICE OFF, I AM SERIOUS WHEN I SAY THAT GET TANGLED UP WITH ERIDAN AMPORA IN A QUADRANT IS A BAD. IDEA.  
CG: BECAUSE HE IS, COMPLETELY UNINTENTIONALLY, A UTTER HEART-CRUSHING JACKASS.  
TG: uh  
TG: okay this is starting to feel a little too personal for just watching the fallout of eridan and feferi  
TG: you okay?  
CG: YES.  
CG: NO.  
CG: FUCK, I DON’T KNOW.  
CG: I DON’T REALLY WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT RIGHT NOW.  
TG: okay  
TG: are you going to be mad if i go fuck him again  
CG: NO.  
CG: WELL.  
CG: NO, NO I WON’T BE. GO FOR IT.  
CG: NO SARCASM, BEFORE YOU ASK. I THINK AT THIS POINT I COULD NOT GIVE ANY LESS OF A SHIT. IT WOULD BE PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE.  
TG: pinky promise  
CG: YES, DAVE, YOU ACTUAL WRIGGLER. I PINKY PROMISE.  
TG: cool  
TG: okay  
TG: talk later yeah  
TG: i pale love you dude  
CG: I PALE LOVE YOU TOO YOU JACKASS.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] stopped trolling  turntechGodhead [TG]

Dave tucks his phone away and spends a moment contemplating this weird development, before putting it out of his mind. Eridan’s still in the shower, which- yeah. Probably a good thing.

Dave leans against his kitchen counter contemplatively. Well, Karkat has some kind of weird shit going on with Eridan, but he’s given his permission, so… Dave is gonna tap that shit again and then talk to Karkat like a normal human being later.

The shower switches off. Dave stares down the hall contemplatively.

Fuck it. If Eridan wants to be his bitch, then Dave’s _going to make him his bitch_. Blackmail and all. He pushes off the counter and saunters down the hall, ending up leaning against the wall across from the door.

Eridan emerges after a minute, towel around his neck, having wiggled back into his clothes, and he looks surprised to see Dave standing there.

“Is there-” he starts, but Dave steps forwards, grabs Eridan’s wrist, and spins them so he can shove Eridan up against the wall. Eridan’s eyes flutter slightly before he goes stiff, pushing at Dave’s shoulders.

“Wwhat are you-” he gasps, and there’s his accent, but Dave cuts him off by pressing him a little harder into the wall.

“Shut up.” Dave says and feels the shiver that runs through Eridan’s body under his hands. “You’re awfully ballsy, aren’t you? Messaging my moirail.”

Eridan’s eyes go wide before he sinks his teeth into his lower lip. He looks like he’s trying to find something to say, but Dave doesn’t let him.

“On your knees, bitch.” Dave says.

“F-fuck- you-” Eridan spits, his face going a deep violet, his fins pinning back. “I w-wont-” but his thighs are squeezing together, shifting.

“You will, because I have _quite_ a few pictures you don’t want getting around.” Dave says, heart pounding. God- the power trip of watching Eridan’s breathing pick up. It feels so fucking wrong, Dave feeling like he needs to blurt apologies and step back because holy shit he’s actually doing this, he’s actually going to _blackmail_ Eridan. “Unless you _want_ everyone to see what you look like getting face fucked.” Dave adds.  
  
Eridan shudders again and slowly slides down the wall until he’s kneeling, his mouth parted slightly as he looks up at Dave.

“Fuck you, Strider-” he breathes, but his hands are yanking at Dave’s belt and Dave is _so_ fucking hard holy shit. “You foul, unseemly-” and there goes Eridan, craning his head up to take Dave’s cock in his mouth. He tilts his head up, takes a breath and then _fuckingchrist_ he’s sliding Dave’s whole cock just into his mouth and down his throat, eyes rolling back, a low moan in his throat.

Dave will never get tired of that.

All of Dave’s reservations instantly vanish. Yeah. Oh _yeah_ this is a thing. This is a fucking _thing,_ and Dave is going to absolutely wreck and “blackmail” and use Eridan until whatever this game is finishes.

“You fucking slut.” Dave dredges up as much shit from troll pornos as he can remember. “A highblood, on his knees for a human?” He grabs Eridan’s horn and rolls his cock into Eridan’s mouth as Eridan’s face flushes harder. “You’re pathetic.”

Eridan shudders and then swallows around Dave’s cock and Dave groans at the tight, wet feeling of it.

“Fucking hell. You were just _made_ to suck dick, weren’t you Ampora?” Dave breathes. “Goddamn. You shouldn’t be allowed to talk ever, just putting that throat to use this way.”

There’s a high, embarrassed chitter from Eridan, his face flushing harder, fins tilting down submissively, and Dave grins.

“You like that idea?” He asks, starting to fuck his cock into Eridan’s mouth properly, watching him take it like a fucking champ, eyes fluttering, whining softly at Dave’s words. “You like the idea of being gagged up until I want to use your slutty throat? It’s not like anyone wants to hear what your have to say, sucking dick is the only thing those lips should be used for.”

Eridan _moans_ around Dave’s cock, and Dave yanks his head back and off, holding his cock with one hand to rub it over Eridan’s lower lip.

“I want an answer, _Ampora.”_ Dave croons as Eridan tries to open his mouth and suck Dave back in. “You like that idea?” Eridan stares up at Dave, a hazy, furious expression on his face before the fury bleeds away into embarrassment as he gasps,

“Y-yes-”

“Was that so hard?” Dave asks, slips the tip of his cock back into his mouth and yanks Eridan to the base, holding him there by the horn as Eridan moans and gags a bit. “That’s a good bitch.” Dave groans, humping into Eridan’s mouth, chasing an orgasm. He’s more sensitive from already cumming earlier, so he’s already close.

“Fucking christ your mouth.” Dave groans. “I can’t wait to find out if that violet pussy of yours is just as tight and perfect.”

The word ‘pussy’ coming from Dave’s mouth makes the back of his neck go hot- dirty talking has always been something he’s _good_ at- even if it’s embarrassing.

Eridan gags around Dave’s cock though, so- fuck, that wet, warm spasm- they’re already here, already in private- So Dave pulls his cock out and strokes himself a couple of times before cumming, letting it spurt across Eridan’s face, painting him with stringy globs of cum.

“There you go.” Dave says, watching Eridan’s blissed out expression. “Looking like a proper slut, now.” Eridan kneels there for a moment, chest heaving, staring up at Dave with a hazy look in his eyes, and Dave realizes that Eridan’s had his hands on his thighs this entire time.

Eridan’s expression turns pissy. “I _just_ took a shower, you dick-” Dave huffs in amusement and yanks Eridan to his feet by his horn, Eridan’s expression losing some of it’s fury for a moment as he’s moved around- but then it bleeds back in.

“And now it’s time to take another one.” Dave says cheerfully, pulling Eridan into the bathroom. “Come on, Ampora. I want to see how prettily you writhe on my fingers.”

Eridan’s fins flare, eyes wide, but he lets Dave pull him into the bathroom.

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoy my writing, check me out on twitter at [@LPSunnyBunny](http://www.twitter.com/LPSunnyBunny)!


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